I've never thought of Arrested Development and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia as being related, at least not beyond the fact that I love them both, and they're both two of the funniest American made comedies of their time. But, really, other than that I never could, and in fact have never tried, to connect the two. Oh sure, I've got a couple unfinished crossovers on my hard drive, but nothing near postable, and nothing suggesting something even half as crazy as what I'm about to say. But. But, this last episode of Sunny, "The High School Reunion", which aired last night brought me to a startling, shocking conclusion. Are you ready for it? Brace yourselves.
The Waitress is Ann Veal. Also remembered as Egg, Plain, and George Michael's ex-girlfriend.
Okay, not all that shocking, I'll admit. And there are some holes in my fanon theory. For one, Philadelphia and Orange Country are two completely different places. The second problem is that, unless the Waitress is much much younger than the gang, the ages don't add up proper. Still, no one can remember her name, or even her, at all. Not to mention how the gang talked about her forgettable face, and how she didn't make an impact on anything in high school. (Really shitty paraphrasing, I know).
Anyway, lalala, it's my new head!canon STFU.
Or, alternatively, she's a Time Lord. The Doctor, the Master, the Rani, the Meddling Monk, and them there's the Waitress. Obviously, her Tardis crashed on earth during the Time War, and she assimilated herself with the human race by pretending to be a high school student, around the same time gang was attending that school. One of them probably broke her Tardis. On purpose, of course, but without knowing what it was, and they effectively stranded her ass here on earth. She's in love with Dennis because he's sociopathic and self absorbed, a trait most commonly found among Time Lords. (No, seriously.) And of course Charlie is obsessed with her because he has the mind of a child (A small, small, glue sniffing child) and can tell something is special (Read: alien) about her.
I need to stop taking double shifts. And I need to sleep.